I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
