i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is Oprah even human
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
