Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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