My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
