Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
