update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
