I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
