I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
