Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
