Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
