and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Mom said you looked used
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
