I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
