Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
