Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
