NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
