4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
there's paper in my vomit.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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