The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
