I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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