She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
