Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
