it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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