playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
