My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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