She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
