TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
