they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
