That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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