I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
