yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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