stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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