The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
