I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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