I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
