I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
