OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
