Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
