Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
