People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
