I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
