And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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