I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
