You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
