Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
