I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
