you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
