do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
