I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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