I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
