Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
