Heybabeimwearingurpanties
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
