If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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