I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
