One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
