It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
